🕯️ From Fear to Flow: Reclaiming Spiritual Healing Without Shame

For most of my life, I didn’t know there was a name for what I was experiencing. I just called it "the weird feeling." It left me stuck—afraid to move forward, but too exhausted to keep cycling through the same ritual.

One example? Light switches. They had to feel just right when I touched them. I would count to three and try to walk away, but if it didn’t feel right, I’d keep going—except I couldn’t stop on six. Six was the devil's number. So I’d start over. Then the “safe” numbers didn’t feel safe anymore, and the cycle would repeat until I was mentally drained.

There were other patterns too—rituals around stepping into bed just right, or else “the devil would get me.” I knew it didn’t make sense, but I couldn’t not do it.

This all started around age eight, shortly after an experience that triggered fear: a stranger gave my friend and me candy, and when my dad found out, he panicked. Not long after that, I began Catholic school. Between the fear-based teachings and my natural sensitivity, something in me began to internalize fear as a form of safety.

✋ The Sensation in My Hands

Even as a child, I had a strange, quiet knowing—a persistent sensation in my hands. A kind of energy or heat, paired with a thought I couldn’t explain:

“I’m supposed to do something with this.”

But I never asked anyone about it. Catholic school wasn't teaching anything that helped me understand what I was feeling, and I feared judgment. So I kept it to myself.

Years later, when I learned about Reiki, that memory came rushing back. For the first time, something external mirrored what I had always sensed internally. I realized: I wasn’t weird. I was wired to feel energy.

🔍 Letting Go of Fear, Step by Step

The fear, however, ran deep. I didn’t jump straight into spirituality. I had to unlearn years of internalized fear and control first.

So I started small. I visited psychics. I talked to mediums. I explored energy work—even though part of me still whispered, “Is this bad?” But each step brought more peace and less fear.

Eventually, I enrolled in a life coaching program—not to become a coach immediately, but to release the beliefs that had kept me spiritually stuck. That experience helped me dismantle shame, reclaim my intuition, and begin building a life rooted in wholeness—not fear.

🧠 Understanding the OCD Mind

At 17, I finally learned what Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was in a psychology class. The relief of putting a name to what I had felt for so long was indescribable. Later, in my 20s, I discovered Religious OCD, also known as scrupulosity.

A turning point came from an unexpected place: a 2010 reality TV show called The OCD Project, where Dr. David Tolin helped participants face their compulsions. The method? Face the fear. Don’t perform the ritual. Walk away. It was terrifying—but slowly, it worked.

And there’s science behind that process:

🧠 What’s Happening in the Brain with OCD?

Cortico-Striato-Thalamo-Cortical (CSTC) Circuit
This brain loop helps us filter thoughts and control habits. In OCD, it becomes overactive, creating intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.

Orbitofrontal Cortex Hyperactivity
This area deals with fear and risk. In OCD, it overreacts, producing a false sense of danger.

Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC) Dysfunction
The ACC detects errors—but in OCD, it sends false alarms, making us feel like something is always wrong.

Neurotransmitter Imbalances
Serotonin, dopamine, and glutamate all play a role. That’s why SSRIs can help reduce symptoms.

🧠 Rewiring Through Therapy

Neuroplasticity means the brain can change, and these tools support that:

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): The gold standard for OCD. Gradual exposure without doing the compulsion teaches the brain to calm down.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps change the thinking patterns that fuel OCD. (My favorite.)

• Mindfulness and Meditation: Builds awareness without reacting to intrusive thoughts. (Also a favorite.)

• Advanced Treatments: Like Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) for severe cases.

🌬️ From Fear to Flow: Reclaiming Spiritual Healing Without Shame

For many people, the path to healing is tangled with an uncomfortable truth:
Religion once taught us to fear our own energy, intuition, or body.

Whether through rules, doctrines, or cultural pressure, the message was clear:

• “Don’t question.”

• “Your desires are sinful.”

• “Only the chosen can access divine power.”

• “Suffering earns you grace.”

These beliefs don’t just influence behavior—they fracture the soul.

❌ What Fear-Based Religion Gets Wrong

Fear says:

“You are broken, and only something outside of you can fix it.”

But healing says:

“You are whole, and your healing begins within.”

Fear controls. Healing liberates.

🌱 What Love-Based Spirituality Offers

Many global and Indigenous traditions root healing not in fear, but in relationship:

• With the land

• With the body

• With ancestors

• With unseen energy

• With the present moment

This is where modern energy work and spiritual healing find their home—not in fear, but in flow.

🌀 What I Know Now

• The sensation in my hands wasn’t random. It was guidance.

• My body was speaking the language of energy before I had words for it.

• I didn’t need permission to explore healing—I needed to remember.

You are not broken for questioning, doubting, or feeling deeply.
You are not disobedient for seeking healing that feels safe.
You are not alone in your journey from fear to flow.

🔁 Reflection Invitation

If this resonates, consider reflecting or journaling on these questions:

• What spiritual fears am I still carrying?

• Who or what taught me to doubt my inner knowing?

• What practices help me reconnect to my intuitive self?

• What sensations or “nudges” have I ignored in the past that now feel meaningful?

❤️ A Final Note

This isn’t the whole story. But it’s the story I wish I had read online years ago—when I was afraid of my own hands, my own thoughts, and my own spiritual truth.

🌐 🌀 Free Resource: Healing Energy Practices from 20 Cultures Around the World

A soul-friendly, shame-free guide to global energy traditions that reconnect you to your power and intuition.
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